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Jokes
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very Fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"
"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."
The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."
"I understand," replies her husband, "But, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Infinity or Lexus in the garage, and no more Country Club, but the decision is yours."
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman.
"Who's that woman with Jim? " she asks. "That's his mistress," replies her husband.
"Ours is prettier," says the wife.Some states do offer "OTB", off-track betting. These little bookie shops are scattered around a large city where you can bet on the horse races and do not have to drive all the way to the track. One day, a religious group scattered around town to spread "the good word", to the people in the downtown area. One person out of this group walked into the horse shop filled with 70 horse bettors and opened the door and yelled "Pray For Forgiveness", and walked out the door and down the street. Ole' a compulsive gambler who had a bad day with the early races, went down the street and ran up to the man and said, "What Race?"
Ole' and Lena moved into a new retirement community, and Ole' was invited to a guy's night out for a long poker game on Saturday night. Ole' was sure he won the first hand of the night, when he flashed his cards showing 3 Kings. As Ole' was grabbing the poker chips, Kenny said "Not so fast, I got 3 Aces." Ole' asked to see Kenny's hand, but the rest of the neighbors told Ole' that this was strictly a gentlemen's game and there was no need to show your hand do to the fact of the community trust with everyone.
When Ole' came home that night, Lena asked him how the poker night went. Ole' said, "Just great, after the first hand I never lost the rest of the night."Little Tommy was the quietest boy in school. He never answered any questions but his homework was always quite excellent. If any one said anything to him he would simply nod, or shake his head. The staff thought he was shy and decided to do something to give him confidence.
" Tommy," said his teacher. "I've just bet Miss Smith $5 I can get you to say three words. You can have half."
Tommy looked at her pityingly and said, "You lose."
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